Happy New Year....Love Mom

And you think I am silly.

The Duct Tape.

By popular demand, I am going to cross post from my secret blog.
Yes, yes..I write things elsewhere and like here, my thoughts and writings have taken a noticeable downward turn. I never post my thoughts much because I fear that things will be thrown back at me or you will think me a Debbie Downer, pathetic, etc.
Are we all happy-go-lucky people ALL the time?
If you says yes, your pills are most likely giving you Lee Press-On happy.
Life has ups and downs.
Luckily, I have had countless ups and very few downs. Currently, I am in a down. Though I am grateful, I think having things so good makes the bad things so much more hard. Carrying hate and disrespect for things I once loved is difficult to sort out and digest when you have never had to do it prior.
I am working hard to find a way back because if I recall correctly...
I used to feel wonderful each day.
So, to conclude this prologue to my post- Good or bad, happy or sad, I am who I am and I am proud to have a heart that has been able to love, eyes that can see past the tallest built walls, the balls to follow my instincts, and the wisdom to appreciate that everything happens for a reason.
Judge away.

December 17, 2008- Have You Been Working Out or Something?


It was about a year ago I had one particular night that tragically went astray.
All day I got girled up. Hedy Lamar hair, Matching vintage bra & panties, Butter cake perfume, the whole kitchen kaboddle.
Leaving to the holiday extravaganza I looked in the mirror and I felt STUNNING.
More beautiful than I thought even I could.
I even wanted to have sex with me!
This is a rarity for me.
I thought,"Yep Jessica, you better do some stretches or something because tonight its on like Donkey Kong. This dress is fuck me elegant. You've come a long way, Baby."

By the nights end, I was sitting in my car, alone, and feeling more worthless and ugly than I have ever felt in my entire life.
For those of you who know me well, you know that I have had a looooong and fugly history pertaining to my outside shell. Lets just say, It was a long walk for me on the "pretty on the inside" road.

I remember thinking then about how when I was a kid I had a particularly painful incident involving a nail through my foot. Child mind thought it somewhat logical that the human body must just run out of tears after a few continuous hours. After a great deal of youngin' sniffling/pondering I ran and asked my dad for the facts. He told me that unlike blood, tears unfortunately were endlessly produced by little holes in my eyes-
this was precisely the reason that they invented "duct" tape.
He didn't convince my seven year old mind that day and yet- here I was as an adult, wishing my dad wasn't right, crying thousands of my ugly meaningless tears that would never run out.
They still haven't.
What your seeing now is just my "duct" tape.

Despite my best efforts, I can't seem to shove this out of my head today. My freakish memory recalls things I personally would choose not to.
I promised myself that I will never ever feel that way EVER again.
Even more importantly, I don't want anyone around me that I love to ever feel that way. I am going to do my best everyday so that you know that your equally hot on the outside as your nougat delicious insides. Doro, I have never seen red lipstick look so good on anyone as it does on you. Teri, I wish my legs were half as long and lovely as yours. Eric, your eyes are blue like the water around your island and other men are jealous of your beard. Alpha your skin is like fucking milk.
Nomie, your ass is perfect and your smile is infectious.
I mean it. Ya'll couldn't be ugly if you literally stapled a turd to your fucking faces.
Thanks for filling my life with eye candy as well as being phenomenal people.

Now, do you care about this little story.... probably not but, It's my blog for a reason.
Odds are however, you have also felt at some point like a big dirt fool.
I am truly sorry for that. If I were there with you, Id have given you a hug while simultaneously punching the offender in the face. Use that moment as a catalyst to tell someone you spend time with that they are in fact a stone cold fox.
Take that tiny moment to point out how they work a pair of basic Converse like a demi-god or how you appreciate the way they put on deodorant in the morning because deep down it's way of saying, "Hey, I like it when your close to me".
Maybe your lady has bichin titties that fit perfectly in the cup of your hand like they were made in the factory for your sorry ass?

On a whole I am an advocate of putting the "self" in your "self esteem" but,
who wouldn't want to hear that kind of shit every once and awhile?
You surly do and most of you really deserve it.

Scientific Research Shows

Your 4 days are ticking away...

True fact...

Character is much easier kept than recovered.

INFJ

Since I didn't go to school in a normal fashion,
I never got to take the Myers-Briggs Test in high school like most kids.
I took today.

Not One Sound

POLARoids

Not sure if it's the snow or our walk that made me feel a bit more sparkly.

1923-2008

Bettie you are hotter than the hottest hot times infinity and we all thank you.

Between the Sheets

Newly constructed 4x5 sheet film pinhole tea cam.

I can't get it just right just yet. Something is slightly off somewhere in either the making of the camera, the exposure time of the shot, the developing on my bathroom floor, or the common denominator of the entire thing....me.

Slow Jerk

Along with going ass to mouth, here a few other things you shouldn't do.

Only Quitters Quit

Been in this same position forever now.
Trying to get my webcam to do the simple thing I need it to do.
In the battle of creative differences between us, I will inevitably win.

So suck it, Logitech.

Technical Details

This other Gort in the previews is not thrilling me. A bit to creamy and Terminator 2 cartoon for me to get fully on board. Neo playing Klaatu lacks a certain tenderness and this is crazy people madness.
Fun enough yet certainly not MY Gort.
Ive been on the watching fence thus far. I just decided that I will go see it but, I will go and see it at IMAX. That way I won't be super pissed off because even the movie about beavers was pretty rad at IMAX. Everybody wins.
See now...I am being a positive squirrel.

Ferris Wheel

Origami Papercam.

Pink

Thoughts Elsewhere

移される

Flugelhorney

We watched a show in my dream last night.

It was called Chuck Mangione's Pussy Jamboree.
I wish I could say that was a joke but, it's kind of left this silky thin coating of baby oil all over my entire day.

Columbidae

無限暗室

Our view

3.5 million dollar penthouse living.

Bonus

I also finally developed the used roll of 120 film hanging around in my bag.

This is just a tribute. The rest are on Flickr as usual.

Origami Cam Results

Some good shots, some blurry, and at least one that looks like its from the 70's.

Confession

Sometimes when I can't sleep, it looks/feels like this.

Puddin' on the Ritz

I forgot to post the finished the product from the haberdashery post.

If it suits your mood, click and there's a clear picture of the hat on Flickr.

Origami Cam

Let's see if we can get some good shots.

Fall Blowout

Got these at the big Adidas sale.

Sent from my iPhone

Twitching Hour

There is never going to be enough time to create everything I dream about,
do all the stuff I plan to,
nor say all the stuff needed to say.
There just won't be.
One atom at a time, I am learning to let go of that.

Lady skills

Without homemade stew & biscuits we will never make it through.

Meat The Press

We've been hording this newspaper treasure for the last 13 years.
Your welcome.

Adding brim.

Habidashery

映像

You are wrong. I did not forget about all of my most precious Japan photos.

I have begun weeding through the folder trenches to bring you the nougat.
We will do it proper and start with Tochigi.
To go along with it, the swoon worthy quote of the week
"I cannot just leave her here. She is my consort.... in space."
Sigh.
I know.
It's beautiful.

Changing what you call rage Part III

Let this be a lesson to all futon owners to never EVER go out with a girl all night when you already have a beautiful girlfriend.

Shit cracks me up.

Burley-esque

Looking forward to some shows this coming week and saw many lovely breasts last night at the Best of Burlesque. Obviously now I'm going to start building fans a la Sally Rand because I decided that I need to be able to do this.

My guess is that it will slightly less tame, though I would like to retain most of it's sweetness.

Happy Fucking Valentine's

I have only three things to say:
#1 Awwwwwwww...

#2 Holy fucking shit!

#3 I am absolutely unworthy of this new fisheye lens.

Ramblin' Man

Neat little map of where I have traveled.

visited 24 states (10.6%)

Clearly I need to try some states like Russia, Brazil, and Kenya.
It's crazy knowing I have only seen 10.6% of the world's countries.
I guess that gives me something to do over the next couple of years.

33

Today I turned 33. That should be pretty good. Though its been a tough year for me, I am managing to kick a lot of things off my life's to do list like standing in Japan, causing a fender bender from a dude checking out my lady stuff, and writing my name in wet cement. For all this I am grateful.
I would kinda like to just keep doing that stuff.

Here is a Holga shot blend of Southwestern United States and the Lower Nehalem River.