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This turned out all right.

It's super comfy for chillin' around the house.

Happy Friday, Ya'll

Awww..... Tetsujin 28-go

Really?
Thanks, Hulu.
That's so rad.
It's just what I needed.
I lost my DVD's.
Your the best.

The sky calls to us

Squirrels on Film

Today's theme was film. I developed it, researched it, I scanned it in, I accessorized with it, and now I am going to watch it (In a sense).
First off, Doro got me a rad bag for the baby Jesus's birthday and it is made out of old Bollywood film strips. I love it madly. I projected it so that I could check out a frame or two.



How rad is that?
Now that the important things have been touched on, I got about three hours of sleep last night and I need to go do what I normally do when I am all tuckered out for the day...

Tellement Obscurité

Here we find ourselves with no moon and a solstice on our hands. It's blacker than the blackest black times infinity, for sure. In honor of that and the fact that my raging headache is keeping me awake, I started working on the designs for an entire Flamenco themed burlesque performance and costume for that song over there on my twitubmlr. Let's see what I can do with it.
I think filling the house with feathers again is inevitable.
Maybe it's my ritualistic way of attempting to allure sunshine and springtime back into our good graces. People used to sacrifice up the lives of babies and virgins and shit for that so, I do realize that my offering is pretty fucking lame.
I'll still give it 100% though because I am pretty sick of this darkness.

Dear, Honey

Since I will be out when you get home from work tonight, I wanted to let you know...
I did our laundry.


I made you some sweet nuts. They're delicious like you (smiley face).


Unfortunately, I straight up 3rd degree burnt myself. Whoops.


But, I managed to write you a little poem anyway.


I made you sesame ginger pork loin, pine nut & garlic cous-cous, and greens for dinner. It will be waiting for you whenever you get home.
We've got sparkling blueberry juice if your feeling fancy.


For desert, there are two different types of brownies. I wasn't 100% sure of your style so, I have options for hot fudge or raspberry sauce.

Oh come on now... You KNOW I'm not a fucking novice at this-
The ice cream is in the freezer.

You work pretty hard so, don't worry about the dishes.
I done did that shit hours ago.


Yeah, I got you a few little presents also. So what? I like you. They are trinkets of affection. Go ahead and open them. You know you want to see what inside that shit.




(I made that little nest from branches outside the house. Cute huh?)

I even managed to finish up this super precious dress for myself. It's made out of some of the best fabric in the world because I'm tactile like that.


I hope work went alright today. Miss you.

Snuggles,

Jessica

P.S. I put the leftovers in the fridge for your lunch tomorrow.

Dreamin' Big

I was stalked for a good chunk of hours today by an ultra crazy super homosexual tweaker. No joke, It went on for hours. He said I am "smart, special, and dream big like him therefore trustworthy of his secret information". Geez, Aren't I the lucky one.

The top shelf crazy person rambling classics were including but not limited to:
Janet Jackson stole his ideas.
The Law of Relativity.
His help in discovering "matter as we see it".
The obscene gluttony of Hollywood.
He is leaving in 1 hour and also tomorrow for a nuclear symposium in San Fransisco.
How I should make clothing for Angelina Jolie.
AND
How he has scientifically proven "Miracles".

The cherry on top of this gateau is that after he left, he returned about and hour or so later. He proceeded to fill out 8 postcards all made out to me with a little salutation and his signature. They all say "Hollywood Dress" on them for some reason. Then unbelievably he gave me his normal mail (all with stamps and his return address mind you) and asked me to go ahead and just
"mail these off for him". I said, "Dude, I don't even have a mail receptacle here". He said, "Well, you know... Whenever you get around to it".
You know I took that fucking mail.
You know I took that mail because I want to open that mail.
I will open that crazy-ass mail because I want to see what crazy dudes say to their crazy friends in their Christmas cards.
In a way, it's even better than finding crazy shit.
Maybe from here on out they should just bring it directly to me.

He gets a special nice relaxing "lets bring it down a notch or two" while we wait for our meds to kick in crazy person dedication song.
He gets Deep Day Blue, I think.
It's over there on the left in my Tumb/Twit thing.

Over Radiated

Phew. Boy, I got a lot done today that's for sure. Since I have been working damn hard on super pretty things and I am sure that you have been crankin' it out as well, so
Ive got the GodZilla vs. Destoroyah ready to go for us.

Previously, I had decided that 1994 is the apex of all things ugly (I can't imagine 1995 being too far off) so, it should be exceedingly atrocious.
If you were here, we could spoon a little and eat these warm cookies I have sitting right here...

Jamais

Insatiable

Five new ones, Ya'll...

CryoJess

Dear Baby Jesus,
I don't normally complain but, not having heat right now sucks overly bad.
I am really fucking cold.

xoxox,
Jessica

Mind Readers

Your kidding me right? Ya'll know I was working my way through it all and -BAM-
like fucking mind readers, Hulu rolls up with buckets of them today.
Id let Godzilla vs. Spacegodzilla can spank me.

Day late and a dollar short

You should go see this next year when it returns.
In retrospect, I should have posted this sooner.

Never the less...

Ive got the fever

No, unfortunately not that kind of fever. It's more of the lame-ass sick type.
I traded in my headache last night for being stuffed up, coughing, feverish, achy, dizzy, freezing, and tired. I made it as far as getting my hairbrush this morning before deciding work was not an option. For real, I'd have rather died than walked to that bus stop.

It would be super cool if you could just kiss my forehead.
Please and thank you.

So Be It

Every once and a while some people get headaches and even though they may have roughly 1,000,000 things they should be doing, they opt instead to snuggle up their bed and watch Godzilla vs. King Kong.
I know. It's a painful truth but, That's just the way it goes, Man.

Yeah, probably those same people are slowly working their way through every Godzilla movie in existence.
Whatever.
They can do whatever they want.
It's cool with me.

Most Times

I wish we could just do it again.

I can't see any reason why not.

Uncanny Valley

Fresh from The Japan Times Twitter...

Thought #1: I want a suckling baby sealbot for Christmas.
Thought #2: Robotic receptionist freaks me out a little.
Thought #3: I would respectfully dry hump Japan if they would let me.

Yeah.

Personally, I think it's weird that people (or at least I do) get the same thing every time they take the Myers-Briggs test. Seriously, I get INFJ every single time- no matter where or when I take it. Yeah, I get that it is "supposed to work that way" and all but, still...
I think it's fucking strange.

Hidden High Fives

You know, I have these little trinkets from my adventures hidden within the pages of all my books. That's where I keep them. It's random.
Then, when I go to read the book (or read it again at a later time) I get to feel awesome and remind myself of all those bitchin' moments.
Whether it's my Metro pass from the Oberkampt station in Paris that I stuffed into my pocket and found in Be Here Now, a ticket to Nixon in China stashed within Geek Love, or that entrance ticket to the Deutsches Museum falling out of Vert and onto the floor, they always have a way of bitch slapping your day to day crap into perspective.
It give me these kernels of inspirational moments that YES, a dirt broke introverted girl from Milwaukie Oregon can in fact pick lemons off a tree in Italy, stand under a roller coaster in the middle of the night in Japan, or soak her achy feet in this very spot in the Danube river on a Thursday in Budapest.

These are all things that I have been lucky enough to have done and then randomly I get to experience all over again within the pages of my late night reading hours. It makes me super grateful for all the moments so disgustingly perfect that I couldn't have even dreamed up with also a twist of completely stoked on what is still waiting.
I think I really needed a reminder lately that if I want it bad enough, I can pretty much do whatever the hell I please.
High five.

35A

Cue the blood...

In case you had any doubts on the hap's tonight-

We rocked that fucking KISS concert like a couple of buttrockers named Misty. I got so many incredible shots it's overwhelming.
I have no voice, I can't hear, I'm allllllllllll sweaty, and I can't feel my feet. I am going to go put on my brand spankin' new pair of KISS panties and hit the damn hay.
Happy Fucking Birthday, Doro.
Really, Not even KISS can rock as hard as you.

Damn it, Jinn...

Like a proper jinn, Mr. Peter Murphy has been working overtime luring me into the deep desert wasteland of sleep.
Just when I thought I was done for, I was awakened by the sunshine beat of Passion Pit.
I kinda love it. It makes me smile. Smile and clean things.

Also, there better be some pyrotechnics at KISS tomorrow night. I'll understand if they don't play their disco but, I need the pyrotechnics.
It's crucial.

Your sleepy. I am sleepy too.

Cliff Notes

Zoom Zoom

Fixed my helmet the best I could.
I got out to play for a few minutes the best I could.
I oddly didn't take any real photos. Some are trickling in from outside sources however...

I found out that I would have won the contest if I would have hung out long enough to find that out. Instead the award was given to Princess Miss Brenna and that sea of pink from a few posts back (it wasn't quite completed at that time).
That goes to show that classy comes from within and not from what's around you because I made that entire bullshit out of two sheets from Goodwill that were $1.99 each AND they were 50% off that day. Hot dog!

Really?

Seriously?
I'm going to bed.

P.S- Fuck you.

Hi, My name is Jessica

Today is proof positive that I am in fact either a generally happy person or possibly crazy.
Humorously bad is the only way to describe my day today. So great that everyone else around me also happened to have a bad day and seeing me smiling away whilst learning about MY shit-fest day, turned their moods a bit brighter.
I dig making other people's day a bit better than it was to begin with.
Even if that is at expense of myself and my antics as Ambassador of the Challenged.

Here are the top 10 reason why I am convinced that today hates me.

1# I got 3 hours of sleep last night.

2# No coffee.

3# I had to ride the loser cruiser.

4# It started down pouring 20 feet after leaving my house this morning. So, I had to wait for the bus, on Grand, during a fucking monsoon, trying to use my tiny Japan umbrella. It was pointless.

5# After the bus ALMOST passed right by me, I sat down and started to access my massive water damage (goodbye dear ipod, favorite japan boots, breakfast Powerbar, and checkbook) however; when the bus lurched forward an entire waterfall of water cascaded down out of some mystery spot at the top of the bus directly onto me (knocking my glasses off) and the business dude sitting in front of me.
I laughed pretty hard and he got pretty pissed.

6# I got to work and I literally made a puddle just standing there. Every single inch of me was soaking wet. I wrung out my bra in the bathroom....
That is one place that I never really thought I would be topless but, Whatever I just got dressed and started working as usual. (Bonus points for today being the day I get the freak opportunity to meet the owner of my entire work for the first time. High five!)

#7 I saw a 80 year old woman... also in her bra. Oddly not my first time.

#8 I fell down the stairs.

#9 I was starving, had no food, and was forced to go to the grocery store after work. I hate the grocery store more than anyone has ever hated anything.

#10 I discovered that I may not get to go to Bryan's show at Berbatti's this week due to prior commitments and it is pretty much the only show I will ever get to see for the rest of my life at the rate I am going. Even worse that I have zero interest in my prior commitment.

Now, seeming that most everyone surrounding me for #1-10 was a complete asshole to me at all times, I am willing to entertain the idea that my amusement over today may be in fact because I am "crazy".
I may also agree that being crazy probably helps me out in a lot of very sucky situations.

A Happy Pompadour

Makes for a happy Jessica.
My costume is now complete and I believe that I have decided on this Happy Pompadour as my Halloween coiffure...

A lady is inclined to change her mind though.

Whoa Nellie

The decals turned out so much better than I could have ever dreamed. They lay almost flush with my crap and look so much like they actually came as part of it. Any inconsistencies that you see are just dust/lighting issues.
They are neurotically perfect.
I am beyond thrilled.
A biggin' for my caplet...


One for my raygun holster...



and my boots kick so much ass I don't even know what to say.


Who has space purpose now?
I sure as fuck do.

Why you ask?

Because I have started viewing everything differently and patterns make me feel happy and comfortable.

The vinyl touches

It was brought to my attention that I cannot just be out in space without a purpose. Insignias obviously provide you some purpose for doing whatever it is that you are doing. Without one, my costume is just some broad from the future's past out in space. With one, I become some broad from the future's past out in space on business.

Photoshop and I had to create something verily simple because this will be made into a thin, super shiny, black vinyl decal-esque sticker (with the white being transparent). I wanted it to be semi stereo typical so that you may feel like you have seen it somewhere before... yet haven't.
I will have one (about 4x4) on my clear vinyl caplet and then on the outside of both my boots (about 2x2).
If it blows, please holler at me now before the poor boy goes crazy on the $1,000,000 special vinyl decal creating robot machine.

Puke

If you ask me to turn you into a pretty pretty princess, one should expect that all of your status updates will look a little something like this...

It makes me ache with repulsion. It's fabulous.

Germs, Witchcraft, & Bear Punching... Oh My!

Today everyone's work week draws to a close and a fresh one starts for me. I spent the majority of this week infested with germs, sleeping, and (as usual) watching assloads of awesomely bad movies. I thought I would take this opportunity to present this weeks Hulu's Horribly Awesome Movie Awards....


The award for "Everybody hates me because I'm the fat ugly one" goes to....
The Spell.
A loose Carrie knock-off featuring over brushed hair, half-assed teenage angst, a super young Helen Hunt, and editing so poor you have no clue whats happening.
Yikes!

The winner of the "It's unbelievable that I didn't hate this fucking movie" is...
Trolls 2.

The "Sweet Satan, this movie just might kick ass" award is bestowed upon...
At the Earth's Core
Really bad props charm me (bonus points if shag carpet is involved).

Winner of the "Holy Shit, is that Tom Selleck?" award is...
Daughters of Satan
No one is going to argue a movie with a tagline like "A secret cult of lust-craved witches torturing with fire and desire."
That PLUS a pampered mustache equals awesome and you fucking know it.

The "Your husband is a total dick" winner clearly is
Terror in the Haunted House

This brings us finally to what currently stands as the Grand PooBah of the ALLLLLLL the worst movies yet created.
It purely exists to make me pee my pants.
Kudos for hilarious over dubbing, super-tarded storyline, weapable soundless editing, AND for punching a bear in the face...
Mr. "Arnold Strong" in Hercules in New York

Well done, Sirs.
Amazing.

Ever since I flipped

Both sides of the coin

On one hand, I made a sweet little clear vinyl caplet for my sweet little costume and finished up my helmet. On the flip side, Alpha and I sat on our asses for 7 straight hours and downed an entire season of Project Runway along with half the candy in Portland.

In honor of my worthy attempts at laziness, here is the first song I heard today.

Sharp Tiny Teeth

It was all Mercury Rev today.

Open up your chest for me and i will build a house

Tuesday's musical crush out as been brought to you by Man Man.

I may have been the last person on Earth to fall in love with them but, maybe they just saved the best for last...



They have many videos and these are my favorites. Plus, one cannot really go wrong with a song called 10lb. Moustache.

10:30 am

The Widowmaker

1.5 lbs of ground beef,
1 package of bacon,
1 package of Italian sausage,
1 box of hot pockets,
1/2 package of fried onion strips
Crammed between 2 Tombstone Pepperoni Pizzas,
Topped with Velveeta Cheese and Marinara Sauce.

Warp Speedo

As you may have seen prior, I used the below 1940's bathing suit pattern to create my (hopefully) super cute space suit for Halloween.

After making the complete outfit out of three different types of fabric, I decided that all the ruching added a lot of bulk after adding my belt and holster. Also, The Lotte & Glico companies add enough bulk to me without my suit design adding even more. The closer Halloween gets the more nervous my fat ass gets, quite honestly. We digress...

I ended up modifying the pattern, removing the ruching, and I think it turned out darn cute. It was hard to get it to fit perfectly since I was era accurate and didn't use anything that had "stretch" since they didn't use to much of that in 1942. It has the built in undies just like an old fashioned bathing suit.


I only have some fancy gloves and a little caplet left to make.
Well, and some finishing touches on my helmet followed up by 30 days of intense fucking Jazzercise.
Umm-chicka, umm-chicka, umm-chicka-umm now take it to the right...